Can anyone give me an assessment of my short story?
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The comment about "Ellie-fish" is a bit of an awkward moment. It has nothing to do with these girls going into the social club. Maybe if she were sitting at the bar reflecting on her mother's advice or something you can bring up the mother's comment of "Ellie-fish out in the big pond" but it comes out as being appropos of nothing where you have it now.
I like the story, I'd read more.
Now, when you were describing Brendan before we meet his parents, I thought you said he was the first born son. then you say he's the middle child when his parents tell him get out. I thought the way you described where he was sleeping was a bit awkward. it seemed like he was living at home then he shows up at the front door with laundry? this passage"{semi-combed hair carrying a heaping helping of a month's worth of wardrobe"} sounds sort of like the hair is carrying his laundry. That's impossible, yes, but it is a bit awkward in the phrasing.
Can anyone give me an assessment of my short story?i didn't read every word but i actually thought it was good. i didn't understand some of the long words as I'm not that smart, but from my point of view i would say " wow that's well good!"
well done...
Can anyone give me an assessment of my short story?Interesting situation and dilemma.
OK, a perfect setting for and existential crisis at the end of one period in a young life and the beginning of the next period, but what, what did it ad up to really? We were all going, somewhere, but where, like what and why? Is there a way to tie this experience up and in a way that pointed us to the next phase?
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