Can someone please give me an honest assessment on my short story?
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Here's a piece of it.
Is it interesting and is it going anywhere?
May could not have come fast enough for the budding group of departing seniors from Colford University. On an evening where the euphoric skyline that draped over the jubilant grads stood still in a blend of blue and tangerine, the day was about to retire into the evening twilight. For the numerous students who packed commuter vans and walked in groups averaging 3-5, their nights were just beginning.
Most were ready to let their hair down after a tumultuous month of papers, exams, and research studies. Among the gallery of white baseball caps, oversized cups and domesticated cackling, stood well known attendees at an off-campus mixer. Ellie Bowden and her group of girlfriends comprised that list. Ellie and her girls were checking out the scenery, as they had so succinctly put into their efforts of meeting men of legitimate dating material.
Across the way, Brendan Rainer had his sights set on the 5鈥? tawny-haired bombshell her mother affectionately refers to as 'A little Ellie-fish, about to enter the big pond of life'.
Wearing a striped, button-down shirt, draped onto dreary denim jeans, and parted black hair and sideburns Brenden has had his ups-and-downs with the girl department. To his chagrin, although he valued and respected women, it has most often proved to be his Achilles heel as far as his love life was concerned. He was usually the best friend and he had long since tired of that image. Him and his buddies were also on hand kicking back in the corner and conversing. Was Ellie Bowden out of his league? Maybe. But then again, he had his gameface on. Nothing was going to stand in his way, except for two Capri-sporting, sandal-wearing, necklaced girls who got his attention first.
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